Tap!
Tap! Tap!
‘Ooh!
What’s that?’ shrieked Anthea, snapping her head around to the
window. There stood Nathan Potter on the balcony – pointing a
handgun at them from the other side of the sliding glass door. One
had the feeling that if he were applying for the job of Grim Reaper,
his application would be successful.
Nathan
pointed to the latch and nodded with a vicious smile. ‘Yes, that’s
right – let me in or I’ll shoot you!’ that nod and vicious
smile told them.
Anthea
screamed as Edward hurried to release the latch. Nathan put his
finger to his lips and pointed the gun at Anthea’s head. ‘Naughty,
naughty!’ he mouthed, wagging an admonishing finger at her.
‘Edward
slid the glass door open and Nathan stepped in.
‘Thanks,
fatso – it’s brass monkeys out there!’ he said gratefully to
Edward. Then he frowned and rested the gun gently against Edward’s
temple.
‘Now
– tell me about how sorry you are for ripping me off and how you
are going to recompense me as soon as the banks are open!’
‘Nathan,’
quivered Edward, ‘I didn’t
rip you off. It was Malcolm! He’s ripped me off, as well.’
‘Wrong
answer,’ said Nathan pleasantly. ‘Try again.’
Nathan
was 45 years old and desperately trying to live out his dream of the
playboy millionaire. His money went a long way in attracting certain
women, but that did not change who he essentially was. He was a
life-long, self-loathing nerd with a hair transplant – and his
designer clothes only served to accentuate this fact rather than
conceal it.
‘Sh
– sh – surely,’ pleaded Edward. ‘You noticed the bizarre
change in Malcolm?’
‘What
change?’ demanded Nathan. ‘He’s the same as ever! Stop trying
to change the subject!’
‘He’s
got religion like a nutter!’
‘Shut
up!’ snapped Nathan. ‘Answer me one question, you slimebag, –
and don’t prevaricate. Are you giving me one million pounds
sterling in cash later this morning?’
‘Not
later this morning,’ conceded Edward. ‘But just as soon as I
regain control of my assets. Definitely – I promise you that. As
you know Nathan – your money has always been in good hands with
me.’
‘I’ll
blow your assets off,’ Nathan assured him. ‘Now, why must I wait?
Sounds ominous, that does. I’m not a particularly cynical guy –
but what you’re saying to me sounds like just a tiny bit of a fob
off. Now, listen Edward – if I ascertain that you’re not
going to pay me back – I am so cross – I will shoot you. I know
it’s irrational – but when I’m cross I do irrational things.’
‘Jake
– what the hell’s going on?’ cried Anthea. ‘And why is he
calling you “Edward”?’
Nathan
looked over at her.
‘You’re
a tasty bit of stuff,’ he informed her. ‘I wouldn’t mind a go
on you myself once this is all cleared up. This just gets better! So
he’s told you his name is “Jake”, huh?’
‘Who
is he, then?’ said Anthea, scrutinising Edward with disdain.
‘Edward
Noble – a back-stabbing con artist pighead whose just taken me for
a million big ones – that’s who. Looks like he was about to do
the same to you. Asked you to marry him tomorrow – isn’t that
right? And you accepted.’
‘Yes,
well he did appear to have a certain je ne sais quoi,’ Anthea
explained. ‘He said he was unfeasibly rich.’
‘Listen
Nathan and Anthea – it’s like this,’ started Edward. He decided
to tell the truth and throw himself upon their mercy. ‘I signed
everything over to my wife to protect my assets if everything went
tits up.’
‘Ah!
So you never did intend to pay me back!’ Nathan crowed
triumphantly.
‘Please
listen, Nathan. I was merely being cautious. Well, I returned home
earlier today and I found her in bed with the gardener. They said
that they were keeping everything and told me to get out. I came to
London to secure a loan from Malcolm – but he said that the whole
AAPU thing had simply been a ruse to teach us “sinners a lesson”.
Bill Cheeseman is a convicted con man! We’ve all
been had! The only
way we can fight this is by joining forces! What do y’ say?’
‘Why
did you lie to me, Edward?’
The
name was said with menacing emphasis. Anthea was staring at Edward
with hurt disillusionment.
‘Anthea
– I needed you to help me get back what is rightfully mine!’
Edward declared. ‘Once I do – there’s a massive pay-day
awaiting you,
my darling! Will you help me?’
There
was silence as Anthea continued to stare at him. Suddenly, with a
movement so fast and powerful that Edward couldn’t move to avoid it
– she picked up her glass and hurled it at him. It impacted
painfully against his shoulder before smashing on the floor.
‘Rotten
filthy liar! You’ve lied to me from the start and you’re still
lying to me!’
‘Anthea
– I’m not – believe me!’ Edward tried desperately. ‘Give me
one more chance, please!’
‘No
way! Get out – you’re uninstalled!’
Anthea
turned away from him in a way that let Edward know that she had
already cut him completely from her life.
Nathan
pointed his gun at Edward. ‘I’ll uninstall the filthy pig!’ he
said adamantly.
‘If
you’re gonna kill him – do it in the street,’ said Anthea
indifferently. ‘Have you any idea of the expense and trouble it
takes to remove bloodstains from furniture?’
‘Sorry
love – it’ll have to be here,’ Nathan apologised. ‘I don’t
particularly want to appear on CCTV executing Noble. Tell you what –
I’ll pay you 20 grand if you tell them that it was a burglary that
went wrong.’
Anthea’s
face shone with delight. ‘Okay! Besides – he’s a rotten shag.
He deserves to die just for that!’
Edward
couldn’t believe how utterly cold and callous Anthea was being.
Okay, okay – so she wasn’t up there with the Dali Lama in terms
of spiritual evolvement, he knew that. But to agree to permit his
life to be snuffed out in return for blood money seemed symptomatic
of how society was disengaging from itself. Edward wondered how many
more there were like Anthea. Maybe the majority was like her. That
meant that he rubbed shoulders daily with amoral soulless ghouls.
That thought made him shudder. He had hoped that most, like him,
would try and fight to preserve a life in such circumstances.
Actually,
Nathan had never killed before and was struggling to do so now.
‘I’ll
give you one more chance, Noble!’ he squeaked.
‘Come
with me to see my wife, then!’ said Edward hopefully. ‘Demand the
money from her! After all, she’s the greedy bitch who’s got it!’
‘One
reason why not, Noble,’ sighed Nathan. ‘Because you are
bullshitting me!’
‘Oh,
thank God for the Flying Squad!’ shouted Edward, his eyes fixating
so intensely on the window, that Nathan could not help but take a
quick look to verify his claim. When he turned back a moment later,
Edward was making like the wind for the door.
‘Oh
no you don’t!’
The
surfeit of adrenaline made it easy for Nathan to raise his gun and
take aim at Edward’s fleeing back and to locate the trigger with
his finger. Anthea instantaneously came out of the nonchalant
dream-like state that had made her willing to be an accessory, by
toxic default, to Edward’s murder. Her awareness of how ugly this
all was drenched her consciousness. She grabbed Nathan’s wrist as
he fired and the bullet plunged into the door. Edward screamed,
thinking that he was dead: overlooking his contradictory actions of
turning the door handle, throwing open the door, and launching
himself into the corridor.
As
Anthea and Nathan wrestled, the gun fired again – this time the
bullet went through the ceiling. Nathan pulled the gun from Anthea’s
grasp and shoved her back into a chair. He threaded the gun through
his belt and covered it with his Miami Vice white jacket. Then he
raced out after Edward.
Edward
slammed hot-heeled down the corridor, alighted upon the top of the
stairs, and projected himself downwards. He fell, bounced, and
scrambled – crashing against the wall of each landing. Then – as
if his feet were seared by a hot tin plate – he would levitate and
descend full tilt to the next level.
Nathan
was following in a similar fashion: he tumbled down the stairs
helter-skelter behind Edward. Both men were evenly matched. Edward’s
fervour to live was as strong as Nathan’s current fervour to
extinguish his life.
Edward
reached the front lobby, and as he scurried past the startled
concierge, screamed, ‘Help me! Help me!’
He
reached the door – flung it open – and was lost to the night. The
concierge heard more clattering and heavy breathing from the stairs
and Nathan appeared. He looked straight through the concierge, not
appearing to register him at all. He got outside.
Edward
was nowhere to be seen.
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